All the Same

It’s all the same
Day to day
Wake up with this dreadful
Dull thud in my chest

Smiling on the outside
Say hello
Passerbys waving
No connection
It’s all the same

Work ’til you drop
Guilt if you stop
Get a bottle popped
Drown every last drop
It’s all the same

Sorry.. down* every last drop
‘pparently I can’t type
but who cares if the words make any sense
Nothing makes sense
It’s all the same

Replay, repeat, rewind
Look, no one cares what’s behind you
But isn’t what’s past what builds us into today?
Or is it all the same?

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Originally Dated: January 29, 2016

Neverwinter

Cold
It’s cold
Somewhere in the concrete dungeon
Deep in the basement of my heart
The neverwinter freezes over
Slowly, it covers everything
In a blanket of white snow
Chills down my bones
Wrap the scarves tighter
Around my neck
Anything to keep the cold inside
Because it wouldn’t do to hurt all those next to me
With icy numbness that decided
To take shelter in my pain
Soak in the rain
No longer function in my brain
It’s cold

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Author’s Note: I wrote this when I actually was physically cold. I had all these layers on and my coworker was asking me if I really was still cold with my big coat and scarf and everything. Yes, I truly felt cold.
Originally Dated: January 29, 2016

The Absolute Worst

You are the absolute worst.
I’m surprised you weren’t cursed
With the smallest brains and wits
You worthless piece of shit.

You are the most awful
Acting like such a troll
Tricking the innocent and kind
Into losing their entire mind

You are the most terrible
Nothing is comparable
To the way you hurt people
Creep up slyly before dealing the blow

There is no place for your soul
You can only play the villain’s role
Even Hitler rolls his eyes in disgust
At what you believe to be fair and just

No one would want to go near you
All you ever bring is bad luck
So say farewell, bid this life adieu
Because the world does not give a fuck.

My Brain Hurts

Thinking too much.
Writhing in Pain.
It’s all made up,
Inside my Brain.

Thinking aloud.
Pray, what’s the point?
I only know
To Disappoint.

Just go! Oh no,
I’ve said too much.
Can someone give
My Brain a crutch?

It hurts too much
No cure? I plead.
To run from all
These thoughts, they bleed.

I’m sad and I don’t know why

I’m sad and I don’t know why
Just sitting, watching time go by
It’s getting kind of hard to try
I’m sad and I don’t know why

Can’t shed a single tear or cry
Because nothing’s really gone awry
My words always hold a lie
I’m sad and I don’t know why

The endless night is drawing nigh
Go to sleep with a waning sigh
Hanging myself up to dry
I’m sad and I don’t know why

When I’ve finally said goodbye
Maybe that’s when you will reply
When fish walk and the pigs can fly
I’m sad and I don’t know why

Run Along

Running all them run-ons
But can’t see what I’m running from
Or perhaps it’s all perspective
And I’m actually running to
Something that looks like you
But haven’t got a clue
How to really live
Run the extra mile
Maybe you can be something worthwhile
The world just smirks
As the labor force works
Just to figure out
What it’s really all about
We live to give
Give each other hope
But it’s sad we’ve needed to resort to dope
Just so we can cope
With all the lies
And worthless tries
The smiles, the cries
The screams
Ringing in my ears
I’ve been hearing it for years
Nothing can snuff the fears
I don’t have enough stuff
I’m not smart enough. Successful enough.
This enough. That enough.
It’s really all just a bluff.
I’m none of the above. I’m me.
Why can’t you see?
Why can’t you love?
Don’t push, don’t shove
There’s no need to rush
All you have to do is hush
And listen.

Black Hole

I turn on the flashlight
To see what’s inside
But it’s an empty black hole
With a void so wide
No light shines through
Oh no, what do we do?

Do you think you might
Be able to fill up the hole?
Even if it’s as empty as you say
It could be like a bowl
All you need is a way
To pour in some soul

No, but you don’t understand
This is THE empty big black hole
Nothing can burrow out of the sand
Not even a persistent ground mole
It’s empty because I say so
I assure you, I’m not crazy, no!

Gotten good at hide and seek
I could go on like this
For a hole week
And not feel amiss
Until someone shines a light
On everything that’s not gone right
That I tucked away and out of sight
I begin to remember in black and white
Why I lost the spark to fight
And how I always run and take flight
Even when I’m afraid of heights
It’s all just an excuse
To say you win, I lose

A bottomless pit
When will I ever hit
The floor?
I quit.

Wandering around aimlessly
Rambling along thoughtlessly
Having not a single goal
Except to find something
That will fill this hole