Can’t believe I’m here again
It’s not my worst, so it can’t be that bad
Just suck it up and keep on feeding
Fuel to the engine without getting mad
Can’t believe I’m down again
It’s not that deep so it can’t be that hard
To swim to the surface of the rain
Above the clouds and among the stars
Can’t believe I’m up again
It’s not so great, I’m in so much pain
Pour the gasoline over the edge
Fire the arrow and set fire to the rain
A sudden shot
A tree falls down
No one hears
They’re all in town
The woodwork blooms
With flowers of blood
Their petals are red
Lie scattered and dead
Writhing in pain
Light falling rain
They left me behind
With my suicidal mind
Crawl into bed
Don’t crawl into my head
You deserve to die
Don’t ask me why
I don’t want to cry
So I like to tell
The very same lie
The tree never fell
I turn on the flashlight
To see what’s inside
But it’s an empty black hole
With a void so wide
No light shines through
Oh no, what do we do?
Do you think you might
Be able to fill up the hole?
Even if it’s as empty as you say
It could be like a bowl
All you need is a way
To pour in some soul
No, but you don’t understand
This is THE empty big black hole
Nothing can burrow out of the sand
Not even a persistent ground mole
It’s empty because I say so
I assure you, I’m not crazy, no!
Gotten good at hide and seek
I could go on like this
For a hole week
And not feel amiss
Until someone shines a light
On everything that’s not gone right
That I tucked away and out of sight
I begin to remember in black and white
Why I lost the spark to fight
And how I always run and take flight
Even when I’m afraid of heights
It’s all just an excuse
To say you win, I lose
A bottomless pit
When will I ever hit
The floor?
I quit.
Wandering around aimlessly
Rambling along thoughtlessly
Having not a single goal
Except to find something
That will fill this hole
A phrase repeats in my mind
I want to die, I want to die
Why? For what purpose?
What gave you this notion?
I want to die, I want to die
Now that’s just silly
There’s got to be a reason
Figure it out and get to the roots
I want to die, I want to die
Shut up for a minute
Think this through
Is it because you
Lost motivation?
I want to die, I want to die
Go get yourself busy
Get back into the groove
You’re just not trying hard enough
To keep on continuing
Life the way you want it
I want to die, I want to die
You can change you know?!
You can do all these things
Aren’t you grateful for any of this?
Why can’t you see how unreasonable you are being?
You know how many people have it worse than you got?
So what makes you say
I WANT TO DIE????
Okay fine
If that’s how you like it
Stay that way
Be stubborn
If you won’t change
Nothing will
Just don’t give me that
I want to die crap again
As I’m walking through the crowd
I can’t seem to find a beat
There’s not a song in this world
That can make me feel complete
My emotion has no measure
No rhythm or melody
I can’t decide if I am
In major or minor key
Guess it’s best to just accept
What the future has in store
And not to dream up dreams
For anything that much more
I can’t help but wonder if
I have something I forgot to do
Or if maybe that’s the price
That I have to pay for you
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Originally Written: March 27, 2009
Toss aside the food you made.
Yea, that will hurt the most.
Toss aside the advice you gave.
Yea, that will hurt the most.
Toss aside the time you had saved.
Toss aside the road you had paved.
Yea, that will hurt the most.
Finding ways to avoid the truth.
You can’t run from it all.
Looking for days to spend in solitude.
You can’t run from it all.
Loneliness plays a deafening sound.
What do you hear when no one is around?
You can’t run from it all.
Only you know who the culprit is
Only you know best, what you see fit
Only you know that you fight your wits
Only you know your own weaknesses
Yea, that will hurt the most.
Toss aside the thoughts you had,
Stop lying that you feel sad
Toss aside the lies you said,
Stop lying all day in bed
Keep denying the solution
Keep on living the illusion
Yea, that will hurt the most.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Author’s Note: Sometimes your worst enemy is yourself.
Hey
Just wondering
What time did you wake up this morning?
Are you happy? Are you sad?
Do you think today is boring?
Hey
Just wondering
Is the weather right now okay?
Whether it’s sunny or rainy,
Tell me you’d still come over to say:
“Hey
Just wondering
Do you know where to find a bakery?
It’s okay if you don’t know
Because my cutie pie is already with me.”
Hey
Just wondering
Are you thinking about me right now?
Somehow I can imagine you replying
“Wow.
Why’d you even ask me that?”
But in all fairness,
I was just wondering.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Originally Dated: August 18, 2009
Author’s Note: JW
Please
Are you kidding me?
What does he have that is so special?
Please
I beg of you
Please don’t make me
Do you hear my pleas?
I cry for help
I cry
Please
Please don’t cry
Let me please you
I’ll do anything
For you
I do
Please
Don’t keep pleading me
Can’t you see I’m trying?
Trying not to fall apart
Please
Deep in the woods
Experience solitude
Pause the soundtrack
Rest the thoughts
Eager to calm
So soothing to hear
Silence
In a world full
Of
Nothing
This inks the place where my pen once was
But not the words I said
I keep a notebook full of notes to sing
To a rhythm in my head
They tell me to be more open
Say whatever comes to mind
But when thoughts turn into demons
I start wishing my brain were blind
I’m diving into a place
No record or a trace
Just swimming at my own pace
I’m lost in cyber space
What’s real or just an ideal
That floats in space?
This snaps an image where my body once was
But not the places I’ve been
I keep a memory full of emptiness
To reconcile with my sins
Can you tell me where I am?
Can you tell me where we’re going?
Can you tell me when this will stop?
Cause I hate not ever knowing
Clock in, clock out
You existed without a doubt
You can scream, you can shout
Just don’t close your eyes
Seeing is believing, the lies
This inks the place where my pen once was
But not the words I said
I keep a notebook full of things to say
To a person in my head
I tell myself to stop running
From things I cannot resist
How can you be scared
Of what can’t actually exist?
Fly me to outer space
Can you take me to the stars?
Just drifting in solitary space
I’m lost in stellar space
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Originally Dated: November 21, 2014
Author’s Note: My first post is the poem which started it all. My motivation to create this blog came from penning the first two lines during a slow day at work (This inks the place where my pen once was/ But not the words I said). It’s meant to be a poem that questions existence.
Inspiration 